I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
