dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
