So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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