Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
