This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
