just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
