Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
