need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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