I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
