i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
