is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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