I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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