I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
