remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
