I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
