note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize