we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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