you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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