# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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