I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
