You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
