dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
