I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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