i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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