6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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