she woke up with a sticky ear
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
