Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
