I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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