thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
