i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
