I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
