theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
