I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
