My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
