I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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