i wish my penis had a tongue
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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