My hand turned me down
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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