i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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