that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
