I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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