At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His nipple licking is glorious
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