let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
