Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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