I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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