I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
