there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
