dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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