your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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