I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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