i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
