well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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